I’m sorry you gave up.
I know how it feels to drown from your own thoughts.
I’ve been there.
I know how hard it was to constantly fight with yourself. I know how hard it was to convince yourself that you do not hate you, that you have to say it to yourself over and over again.
I know how hard it was to relax, as your mind wanders and reminds you how hard the world is, and makes you question your existence, and how you need to concentrate and work hard to fight off those thoughts.
I know what it was like to have no one to understand how you feel, telling you how to just think differently. They made it sound like it’s easy and that makes you feel more hatred to yourself because you struggle to do that thing they called easy. I know how it feels to be anxious of what they would think, and how big the burden you feel you’re giving them.
I’m sorry I wasn’t there.
I’m sorry I didn’t know.
I fought hard. I knew you did too. It was hard, wasn’t it?
I’m sorry you gave up.
Rest well, and may you have eternal peace.
This.
People tend to say to just relax and not think. What they don’t know is that it is not always the answer. What they don’t know is that, sometimes, the brain wanders on its own. You see flashbacks, scenarios, the what ifs, anxieties. All this without realizing it. All this while you try to relax. Your brain tells you that you hate yourself, then suddenly realizes what it just said and you fight it off. It’s very tiring. You have to fight hard, and concentrate harder. It’s tiring because, sometimes, you just can’t relax. Sometimes, you just want to escape.
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